16. November 2017

it is about time

... to be the right time.
To be more productive and consistent with the things you love.
Never give up, of course, they'll tell you.


I made some shots during the last days of summer at our secret home spot where I learned to surf.



Picknicking.





Katharina and her dad.











Beautiful Katharina pretty concentrated.





Susi and Martina chatting.










Katharina.





Oli paddling. 











Oli and Andy.






Happy Kathi.





Katharina and Andy sharing.






A bird.








Oli smiling.





Oli surfing.











It's been so long since I wrote something here.





I went through some troubled water but fortunately I already know how to swim in them and survive. Thank you universe for letting me survive.
I went to a psychosomatic clinic for 5 weeks.
I have to find some ambulatory care after that now.
I got to get back to my studies and make it to the Bachelor Exams.

I got myself my very own dog I was longing for through all my childhood as long as I can think.
I named her 'Moana' after the Disney movie where she is a hero. She is my hero, my little dog.

I fell in love again.






11. September 2017

rise up






I wrote this a couple of weeks ago (it's all better now):




Hello there, dear few readers.
It has been such a long time since I wrote something.
I have been struggling for a while. I kept asking myself the last weeks and month if I should right about it or rather not and shut up like society would prefer. It is not pleasant or comfortable to talk about it like at a party, with friends at a café or even with your own family.
Better not talk about it. It's all gonna be okay. It's just something you made up. You made it up in your head so you can make it go away by yourself.
No your can't make it go away that easily: Depression.
I was doing an internship last summer at a magazine. Fortunately my last major depressive episode - how the doctors call it and as it is written on the leaflet of the antidepressants i was taking back then - went away not even a month before the internship started. Lucky me.
So after this internship I went on a trip to Costa Rica and the United States and suddenly it started again. This feeling of numbness and the inability to be fully happy without fear.
I was in paradise surrounded by the ocean, nature, lovely people, surfing and good food and right there it hit me again. I knew it was about time to go home and I knew from the 4 times I had depression before of the feeling of it as it came up.
Scarred of being around people, always tired, anxious about even leaving the house. Not able of having a casual conversation, even with friends or family. Always this nervous feeling in my stomach, ever since I open my eyes in the morning. Having confusing dreams. Making decisions is the worst in those episodes.
And still I am still trying to act calm.



I keep on posting from now on a lot more. Stay tuned! Pah!


















29. Januar 2017

surf & harmony







January 2017
Santa Teresa, Costa Rica




















































































The peace that comes with energies are in harmony,
relationships are in balance. 



- Author unknown: a quote I found ritten on a wall on my day trip to Montezuma today. 




















15. Januar 2017

august 29, 2013






29. August 2013, Strasskirchen, Niederbayern, Deutschland.


________

*




Was hast du dir am 29. August 2013 gedacht? Was auf dich zukommt? Vor allem wenn du dich im Spiegel betrachtest und das durch eine Kamera? Klick.
Wirst du wohl mit deiner Schule, Ausbildung, Praktikum fertig sein? Oder endlich mal entschieden haben wohin es dich zieht?
Die Welt steht einem offen, wenn man die nötigen Zügel in der Hand hält. Kannst du dich noch erinnern?
Klick.
Der Moment steht. Für immer. Festgehalten in einer kleinen schwarzen Box, auf einem kleinen Chip.
Dreieinhalb Jahre später stolpere ich also nun über dieses Foto und denk mir, bei Gott, du hattest ja keine Ahnung was noch auf dich zukommen wird.
Hätte ich mich wohl daheim verkrochen, in meinem Zimmer, unterm Bett ein Nest gebaut und mich in einen dreieinhalb-jährigen Winterschlaf versetzt.. mit... ja, mit was nur?
Was lässt einen genau dreieinhalb Jahre lang ruhen?
Ich glaube, wenn man dann aufwacht, könnte alles genau noch so laufen, wie zuvor.
Die Nachbarn schauen einen genauso dumm an, wenn man frühmorgens verkatert den Müll rausbringt. Das Bier schmeckt noch genauso gut und vielleicht hat man hier und da seine Lieblingsserie im Fernsehen verpasst. Was man sich ja heutzutage sowie so alles auf Netflix gönnt. Von dem her, doch nichts verpasst.




*




7. Januar 2017

to snow






Galena Hills, Reno, Nevada.
January 6th 2017.

















Eine kleine Wolke, versteckt sich im Baum.















Mir bleiben noch 4 Nächte und nicht ganz mehr 5 Tage,
um zu Packen, mich vom Schnee und noch schwieriger von der Familie zu verabschieden.

Aber ich komme wieder. Diesmal mit meinen Wanderschuhen und hoffentlich ohne diesen Husten,
der mich immer noch plagt.







from dust







Elsa, the dog.

















Reno, Nevada in 2017. 

Dust turns to mud.

Mud gets covered by snow.
You forget how it looked like.
You forget what it felt like to get stuck in it.

The snow made it look nice.
Made it pure.

All my worries are covered underneath the white.
What if it gets warmer. What if it melts too fast?

Well I guess I just have to face it and build make a mud angel in it.




Peace, my friends. Take care!



____